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[bryant]

OK. this post is just beyond the pale.

The backstory: Kelley Ferguson is a stupid idiot who faked a terrorist threat in order to get out of a cruise with her parents. Missed her boyfriend. Totally stupid.

But how do you get from there to blaming Bush? “And many people, wavering between fear of the unknown and the all too casual attittude eminating from the White House, can treat a terrorist attack as a prank.”

I don’t think Bush is doing a good job setting the national mood on terrorism. The aftereffects of Gulf War II are going to matter; people can’t help but notice the lack of WMDs in Iraq and the recent Al Qaeda bombings will erode trust. Bush said that regime change would reduce terrorist threats, and that clearly hasn’t happened.

A digression: the last wave of Al Qaeda attacks came while we were debating the wisdom of war on Iraq. I said at the time that I suspected Osama wanted the US attacking Iraq. I think recent events make that even more likely; psychologically, he’s demonstrating that all that US effort (which was encouraged by the October 2002 incidents) didn’t stop him. And, come to think of it, the chances that Iraq will be run by Islamic extremists are somewhat higher (not a lot, but a little) than they were before the war — Osama’s gotten rid of his rival Saddam at very little cost to himself. Nice work. Sigh.

Back to the point. Bush is not doing a good job of anything except making us feel tough. However, you can’t bloody well blame Kelley Ferguson on that. She has parents, does she not? They are presumably not deaf and dumb; presumably they have occasional communications with their daughter, if she’s going on a cruise with them.

So how about we stop pointing fingers at the Administration, and start taking some responsibility for our own actions? Her parents fucked up. They did a bad job raising her. It is not OK to — permit the metaphor — make jokes about guns when you’re boarding a plane. I learned that lesson as a kid, and I learned it while Reagan was President. Somehow my parents managed to shield me from the awful consequences of a Republican President and taught me some common sense, miracle of miracles.

Blaming Bush for bad parenting is inane, and it speaks to one of the sadder tropes of the left wing in this country. Personal relationships have far more of an effect on children and our morals than what the government says, and individuals are not helpless. We do ourselves a disservice when we pretend otherwise, particularly when it’s for partisan reasons.

Comments

[eyelessgame.livejournal.com]

All right, I agree blaming Bush is stupid.

But the real people to blame are the great-grandparents. They're the ones who fucked up -- they raised their kids such that they would instill lousy parenting techniques into *their* kids, which is the *real* reason Kelly Fergusen made a terrorist threat.

I really hate this "anytime an *adult* does something dumb it's her parents' fault". I have problems even claiming that for teenagers. Is everything a twenty-year-old does that's *good* her parent's accomplishment, or is it hers? Easy way to tell: does your mother put your college degree on her resume?

If Kelly here was fourteen and did this, I could see her parents sharing the responsibility. But she's *20*. Blaming her parents is more than unfair; it's condescending and beneath your normal insightful standards.

You want someone to blame? Blame *her*. *She* made the bad call. Her parents had nothing to do with it -- except perhaps to drag her along on a cruise when she didn't want to go (and what was up with that? She was 20, she could have said no. That's a second bad call.)

This girl has some serious growing up to do. And her parents can't grow up for her. When you had to transition between the barely-controlled sociopath that you and I and everybody was when we were fifteen and the adult you became at 20, it was *you* doing it. Your parents could be there and assist, but if you had decided to drop the ball, nothing they could have done would have picked it up for you. One thing parents cannot ever do for their children is grow up for them. *You* grew up. Not everybody does. Take credit for it.

Now, there could be something I'm not seeing here -- maybe her parents were blackmailing her with threats to cut her off if she doesn't come on their cruise -- and that would certainly be bad parenting (and blackmail, and probably illegal). But her parents didn't fake a terrorist scare, she did. If a twenty-year-old doesn't understand that her actions have consequences, it's not her parents' fault, it's *hers*.

Sorry to rant, and don't take this as disrespect or anger with you in any respect but this. I have just had it up to *here* with childless friends of mine who feel they know all about how much control parents get to exercise over their offspring. Tell you what. Find a girl, knock her up, call me in fifteen years and tell me then how much control you have over your wonderful kids.

[bryant]

Heh and touche. I probably wouldn't have put it this way if it hadn't been for the fact that her parents dragged her on the cruise and the fact that they discuss bailing her out as though it was her responsibility. But no, I don't think her parents (or any parents) have total control over the way kids turn out.

On the other hand, I would be immensely surprised if your kids ever pulled this kind of stunt.