Life in the Free Zone
Oct. 5th, 2001 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bryantIn other news, the quasi-vacation continues. It's an odd feeling; this is the first time I've been out of work for any period longer than a week by choice since I departed from UIowa. There's something nagging at the back of my mind that says I should be stressed, but I figured out my finances and I'm fine well into next year. So I think I'll enjoy it while I can.
I can also say, now, that managing friends sucks. It all boils down into this: I am the infamous they. It's all very well for people to say "Well, nobody blames you," but I think that's a bit of myopia. I helped set policies and make decisions. I was at the offsite last summer where we talked about corporate direction; I was on more than one team tasked with strategizing. If you're pissed at AV, there's a pretty good chance you should be pissed at me. I don't blame myself for failure of execution and I'm not egotistical enough to think that I had a huge effect on the direction of the company, but I was as much part of the problem as I was part of the decision.
I'd really rather have that said and take responsibility for what I did and didn't do than have people think I had nothing to do with certain choices. For better or worse.
And, you know, I'm finally done with the tension of convincing people that I wasn't favoring friends overly much. I know I wasn't, but did people think I was sometimes? Heck yeah. I deliberately obscured a lot of past history from people outside Ops, because it wouldn't have done me or my department any good for it to get out. Again: was I biased? Nah. But no point giving people reason to think so.
Oddly enough, the actual task of being fair wasn't terribly hard. I detached; it worked out OK. And I think knowing people allowed me to manage more effectively, in some cases. Didn't hurt that I'm a pretty touchy-feely manager -- my goal was always to try and get everyone in the group to feel as comfortable with me as people who already knew me.
But in the end, the stress of being the person responsible for making life decisions for my friends was the worst of it.
I can also say, now, that managing friends sucks. It all boils down into this: I am the infamous they. It's all very well for people to say "Well, nobody blames you," but I think that's a bit of myopia. I helped set policies and make decisions. I was at the offsite last summer where we talked about corporate direction; I was on more than one team tasked with strategizing. If you're pissed at AV, there's a pretty good chance you should be pissed at me. I don't blame myself for failure of execution and I'm not egotistical enough to think that I had a huge effect on the direction of the company, but I was as much part of the problem as I was part of the decision.
I'd really rather have that said and take responsibility for what I did and didn't do than have people think I had nothing to do with certain choices. For better or worse.
And, you know, I'm finally done with the tension of convincing people that I wasn't favoring friends overly much. I know I wasn't, but did people think I was sometimes? Heck yeah. I deliberately obscured a lot of past history from people outside Ops, because it wouldn't have done me or my department any good for it to get out. Again: was I biased? Nah. But no point giving people reason to think so.
Oddly enough, the actual task of being fair wasn't terribly hard. I detached; it worked out OK. And I think knowing people allowed me to manage more effectively, in some cases. Didn't hurt that I'm a pretty touchy-feely manager -- my goal was always to try and get everyone in the group to feel as comfortable with me as people who already knew me.
But in the end, the stress of being the person responsible for making life decisions for my friends was the worst of it.
Re: Interestingly...
Date: 2001-10-05 11:25 am (UTC)It's not a black and white situation by any means. Part of the unfortunateness about my situation was the sheer weight of people I'd known socially. On the other hand, I don't regret a single hire I made, nor do I regret taking the managerial position in the first place. Certainly I don't think it was a detriment to my groupor to the company. It was just hell on me. :)