Life in the Free Zone
Oct. 5th, 2001 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bryantIn other news, the quasi-vacation continues. It's an odd feeling; this is the first time I've been out of work for any period longer than a week by choice since I departed from UIowa. There's something nagging at the back of my mind that says I should be stressed, but I figured out my finances and I'm fine well into next year. So I think I'll enjoy it while I can.
I can also say, now, that managing friends sucks. It all boils down into this: I am the infamous they. It's all very well for people to say "Well, nobody blames you," but I think that's a bit of myopia. I helped set policies and make decisions. I was at the offsite last summer where we talked about corporate direction; I was on more than one team tasked with strategizing. If you're pissed at AV, there's a pretty good chance you should be pissed at me. I don't blame myself for failure of execution and I'm not egotistical enough to think that I had a huge effect on the direction of the company, but I was as much part of the problem as I was part of the decision.
I'd really rather have that said and take responsibility for what I did and didn't do than have people think I had nothing to do with certain choices. For better or worse.
And, you know, I'm finally done with the tension of convincing people that I wasn't favoring friends overly much. I know I wasn't, but did people think I was sometimes? Heck yeah. I deliberately obscured a lot of past history from people outside Ops, because it wouldn't have done me or my department any good for it to get out. Again: was I biased? Nah. But no point giving people reason to think so.
Oddly enough, the actual task of being fair wasn't terribly hard. I detached; it worked out OK. And I think knowing people allowed me to manage more effectively, in some cases. Didn't hurt that I'm a pretty touchy-feely manager -- my goal was always to try and get everyone in the group to feel as comfortable with me as people who already knew me.
But in the end, the stress of being the person responsible for making life decisions for my friends was the worst of it.
I can also say, now, that managing friends sucks. It all boils down into this: I am the infamous they. It's all very well for people to say "Well, nobody blames you," but I think that's a bit of myopia. I helped set policies and make decisions. I was at the offsite last summer where we talked about corporate direction; I was on more than one team tasked with strategizing. If you're pissed at AV, there's a pretty good chance you should be pissed at me. I don't blame myself for failure of execution and I'm not egotistical enough to think that I had a huge effect on the direction of the company, but I was as much part of the problem as I was part of the decision.
I'd really rather have that said and take responsibility for what I did and didn't do than have people think I had nothing to do with certain choices. For better or worse.
And, you know, I'm finally done with the tension of convincing people that I wasn't favoring friends overly much. I know I wasn't, but did people think I was sometimes? Heck yeah. I deliberately obscured a lot of past history from people outside Ops, because it wouldn't have done me or my department any good for it to get out. Again: was I biased? Nah. But no point giving people reason to think so.
Oddly enough, the actual task of being fair wasn't terribly hard. I detached; it worked out OK. And I think knowing people allowed me to manage more effectively, in some cases. Didn't hurt that I'm a pretty touchy-feely manager -- my goal was always to try and get everyone in the group to feel as comfortable with me as people who already knew me.
But in the end, the stress of being the person responsible for making life decisions for my friends was the worst of it.
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Friends and cow-orkers
Bryant: I never really envied the position you had, but I have to say I think you did an admirable job, and I greatly enjoyed the opportunity to work with you.
I have worked at a small company (not like av, I'm talking like 5 people when I started and 25 when I quit) and there was a lot more acceptance for hiring friends, college buddies, your brother, etc. We worked hard and also had fun, everyone knew each other, everyone played Marathon together until 9 pm, etc. No big deal. It's not really like this in a larger company where you have Policies about Fraternizing and all that.
I would never want to be in a position where I feel like I need to keep a relationship secret. I'm not sure if you felt this way with people you knew at AV. I have to admit there are times when I felt left out, not because there were co-workers around me who were friends, but because I felt like there was a secret part of the relationship which was intentionally kept hidden. That said, I agree with the actions and the reasons for keeping things a bit quiet and probably would have done the same... it was just not the same environment as my 25-friend company. If it means anything, I would gladly hire Bryant for my new startup and have him bring 8 of his friends, which I don't think I would say about Rod S. and 8 of his friends.
Flit's comment about the line between hiring "friends" and "ex-co-workers" is on-target. Why should people feel like they have to avoid hiring someone they know socially? After working in an industry for some years, you tend to make friends in that industry, and this is somehow bad. And yet if someone used to work with you, or even for you, hiring that person is usually considered a good move. Friends from college are in a gray area, I guess. I guess people think if I hire a friend, it's because they're a friend and not because of their qualifications? Or that my loyalty to them is at odds with my loyalty to the company? Hmm.
I still feel like I'm more of a "line lead" than a "manager", though I do manager-like things most of the time. I feel like the people on my team are friends, but I never had the experience of someone working for me with whom I had a prior relationship, that would probably be much harder. Avoiding impropriety is usually easy if you're careful, but avoiding the appearance of impropriety is almost impossible, especially with more eyes on you. Ask any weyrleader :)
Anyway, as I said, you did an admirable job and I don't think anything that happened at AV is your fault, except maybe the EXCELLENT ops team, you had a lot to do with that. Thanks for taking on a difficult job and doing it well, and compassionately to boot.